Diva and Diapers: June 2011

Why moms gain weight once their child starts eating table food...let me count the ways:

1. Baby puts a graham cracker in their mouth, a soggy / mushy piece falls out & onto the floor. Mom picks up soggy / mushy cracker, but do we throw it away? No. We proceed to eat it without a second thought.
2. You decide to introduce a food to your baby that you haven't had since you were 2 years old, for example, fish sticks. Fish sticks...gross, right? Um, no. They are possibly the best tasting thing that I've had in the last 15 years. Amazing & now I just might need to feed them to Isabel (aka ME) weekly.
3. If she still can't gum the crust of the grilled cheese, who else is gonna eat it?
4. Didn't finish her 100% full-fat yogurt? Don't mind if I do.
5. 1 Cheerio for you, 9,452 for me. And repeat.
6. No napkin around to wipe up every drop of food that I've caught falling from her mouth? Guess I'll just need to lick it clean.
7. Baby loves the Happy Baby & Plum Organics bagged pureed fruits, but mommy might possibly love them more. It's fruit...how bad can it be?
8. Avocados low fat, right?
9. I'm trying to lead by example. If I eat, she'll eat it & besides, people are starving in Africa (and Westwood, NJ).
10. There's just no way she'll finish a whole slice of cheese on her own.

As per the above, lets just say I'm in a whole lot of trouble once this kid sprouts a few teeth & falls in love with french fries & chicken fingers. Good-bye wasteline, hello spanx & Jenny Craig.

Isabel is probably thinking "Mom, OMG! Stop eating my food, fatty-pants!"

Today I officially became "that person." Isabel & I flew from Maine to NYC, my 1st time flying without Joe by my side to haul around our 27 bags, keep Isabel entertained long enough for me to read People, and to be my moral support with every bump of turbulence we hit. This was a big day for me & yes, it 100% made the baby book, along with a very cute pair of Jetblue wings (for Isabel, not me).

The minute I entered the airport, I was everything I hated about parents pre-Isabel. I was "that poor girl" who was all by herself with her baby, pitied & at the same time disliked by every person in the Portland Jetport (apparently, we Mainers don't fly airplanes, we fly jets, hence "Jetport"). I was "that bad mother" who gave her child whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it, in hopes she didn't make one sound from take-off to landing. I was "that person" who pre-boarded yet still blocked the plane door as I unloaded 15 bags & a baby from an over-priced stroller that wouldn't fold without me having to LIE Isabel on the jetway floor to get the damn thing shut (PS...I also asked the luggage dude to make sure he kept it clean. He was very impressed and most definitely dragged it through jet fuel ).

I quickly escalated to "that bitch" when I spent 20+ minutes hogging the airplane bathroom after Isabel peed through her outfit (and mine) & needed a change mid-air / mid-turbulence. I was "that weirdo" by snapping pics with my illegally turned on electronic device (rules don't scare a die-hard blogger). And lastly, I was "that mom" who dumped mass amounts of Cheerios on the floor, expected everyone to think my baby was SOOOOO cute as Isabel played peek-a-boo with the last 20 rows of the plane & took up 14 seats with her toys, food, diapers and additional baby entertaining supplies. And ya know what, I couldn't have cared less, jerky Jetbluer's who were just bitter cause my baby didn't make a peep & you didn't get any good snacks. First baby & me flight down, many more to go. Look out Jetport, here we come!