Cheeeeesssseeeeee!!!!

Is it strange that Isabel is OBSESSED with watching videos of herself? She's 6 months old...this self-obsession started around 4 1/2 months. I discovered this new found love for herself while feeding her one night. As she ate, I began watching an iPhone video of her laughing. The minute she heard herself, she quickly stopped eating and whipped her head around to see where the baby sounds were coming from. When I held my phone up for her to see, she cracked up. Her grin was ear to ear. I figured it was a fluke, so I tried it again the next day. 2nd round, same result. I've shown her additional videos and pictures of herself. You name it, she loves it! 

Does this mean we're raising a future contestant of "Toddler's and Tiaras?" Will I be forced in to being a stage mom when what I really want is a field hockey playing, tom boy who also likes to shopping, wear Uggs, get manicures & reading US Weekly, much like her mother? Originally, this basketball dribbling mama wasn't sure I could even handle her being a cheerleader (no offense, spirit-finger friends), yet alone a true drama queen. Is her early love of cameras a sign that after all these years of making fun of Miss America, my daughter, who can't get enough of pictures, mirrors, or our Flip, is destined for the world of runways, center stage or beauty pageants???!!! 

Not that there's anything wrong with following in the footsteps of Heidi Klum, and I certainly want Isabel to be whomever it is she wants to be, but I think I'm creating a self-loving monster with all this crazy camera business. Yes, I probably took about 100 pictures a day when I was on maternity leave. Who am I kidding...I probably took 100 pics of day of myself pregnant, so this ultimately started months ago. And yes, a 4 week old old with limited range of motion is about as exciting as a rock, but she was my adorable, new rock, so I wanted to share every rockish moment with our friends, family & adoring Facebook fans. Plus, Miss. Thing had about 1 million teeny new outfits to burn through, so I might as well take a picture of each and every pink ruffle in her closet before our little super-model couldn't fit into the Baby Gap sample size no more!

Flash forward 5 months & this kids is a camera-loving maniac. The minute I pull out my iPhone, she cracks a smile. When the video camera lights up, so does she, as though someone has just screamed "Action!" and Isabel "American Idol" Agosto is ready for her debut. She plays coy, then bats her eyelashes, crinkles her brow, flashes a quick little grin, always making sure we're capturing her best "high chair" angles. She won't take her eyes of the lens, and suddenly goes into full on "I'm the cutest baby in the world" mode. What Tyra Banks would do for a "Smize" like hers?!

I'd hate to break her little heart so early on in her career, but if she takes after me, her dream of cat-walk legs may go up in smoke. Until that day arrives, I guess we should embrace the fact that she loves the camera, and we'll have a large collection of great pics to continue sharing with the world. And besides, if I can't handle the life of a stage momma, I'm sure Joe would look just as cute as a routine dancing stage daddy too. Say cheese!

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Sophie

We have a Sophie obsession in our house. No, that isn't a typo & I do not mean Sofia Vergara, although Joe is quite taken with her & her plump "lady friends." Who isn't these days? Our Sophie is actually a bit more plastic but still just as famous as the real Sofia, if that's possible. Our good friend Sophie is very cute & sweet, thin with long legs, makes a fun noise if you squeeze her, is very low maintenance, she's popular with the 2 & under crowd, all the "cool" babies are friends with her, including Kendra Wilkinson's son (as spotted on the Kendra show that I so embarrassingly admit to DVRing) and tummy time with Sophie often keeps Isabel happy for hours (or 20 minutes, which pretty much is the same thing as hours in baby time). Sophie's a lifesaver in stores and the car seat, as a meltdowns spotted on the horizon, and even though Isabel literally chews her face off on a daily basis, Sophie is always there, right by her side. We spend many nights giving Sophie baths since we seem to find her in the oddest places; Joe's parents dog's mouth, the bathroom floor, under the couch, in random people's hands as we walk through a store, in my niece's mouth. She's such a people person!

Sophie also has a twin sister in our house. We like to call her "Diaper Bag Sophie." Lame, yes, but as long as we have her as we head out the door, the originality of the name means very little to us. Isabel's favorite game to play with Sophie is "chew Sophie's face off until we can hear the sound of the rubber squeaking in pain." Isabel plays mind games with Sophie & has perfected her maneuvering of her BFF sans hands. As she laying on her belly, Isabel will peck at her supposed good friend with either her nose, mouth or head until Sophie is strategically positioned under her mouth. Then, she goes in for the kill. Let the chewing games begin!! Thankfully, Sophie's always a good sport & takes one for the teething team day after day after day.

We love Sophie & all she puts up with in our house. Everyone with a baby who's using his/her own parents' chins for a teether should seriously consider adding Sophie to their family. In my opinion, minus the whole "dog using her as a chew toy" situation, I think we treat Sophie pretty good. But if she ever decides to leave us, I'll have no problem running out & replacing her with a brand spanking new one. Heed my warning, Sophie...you are replaceable.

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Guilt

What mother doesn't feel guilty? I feel guilty pretty much the second my alarm goes off each morning. "Shoot, I didn't make Isabel's bottle..." and so the day of guilt begins.  Basically the only time I don't feel guilty is when Isabel is attached to my boob and even then I'm thinking "Man, I wish I was producing more milk." I've turned into a human cow yet I still can't cut myself some slack. WTF!!!

I've always know this guilt issue was there. I'm pretty sure I felt guilty about a lot of things even before I had Isabel, but I was so in to myself, my "me time," my manicures, shopping trips, vacations & time with Joe, that I just don't think I recognized it. It was easier to push the guilt aside & worry about it when I didn't have anything else to do. Now the clock has become my enemy, a constant nagging voice that just makes the guilt harder to push aside. "I'm late for a meeting! I didn't pump today! I'm missing my bus! That's 20 minutes less with Isabel! I need to drive the nanny home! I haven't spoken with Joe all day! Guilt, guilt, guilt!!!!!"

Why this sudden realization that I'm guilty 24/7?? My friend Courtenay, a non-mom who had the pleasure of working with about 7,243 crazy mothers, shared an interesting article on guilt written by a fellow (yet MUCH more famous) mommy-blogger. The blogger always feels like she's going on & on & on about the sufferings of being a mom (I mean, I have nooooo idea what she's talking about) and apologizing for her hormonal misbehavior. Her fears are very similiar to mine so let me be the first to welcome you to the crazy land of "Karyn's World of Guilt."

-I still feel guilty that I left Isabel to go back to work at 3 months old. Then I returned to work & felt guilty that I hadn't worked in 3 months.
-I feel guilty on the weekends if I run any errands without Isabel, but then I haul her along with me & feel bad if someone sneezes near her, she remotely looks unhappy or I have to change her in the back seat of our car.
-I feel guilty about only seeing Isabel for 2 hours a day, but then I feel guilty wanting alone time.  
-I feel guilty if an outfit is too tight on her but then I feel bad if she doesn't wear everything in her closet.
-I felt so bad that she wasn't facing me in the stroller when we'd go for walks that I spent a small fortune on a new facing-me stroller. But now I feel guilty that I spent that sort of money for 4 wheels that roll in dirt & dog poop.
-I feel guilty every time I don't pump enough breast milk for her, but then I feel guilty if I'm pumping instead of spending time with her.
-I feel guilty if I have the TV on when she's in the room, but then I feel bad if I'm behind on the View
-I feel guilty if I don't make her baby food, but then I feel guilty if she doesn't like what I've made.
-I feel guilty if I'm with Isabel & paying attention to my phone instead of her,but then I feel horrible for not calling or emailing my friends back.

I can keep going...how many hours do you have? This post isn't meant to be my pity-party of 1. I am head-over-heels in love with Isabel & being a mother. I think most of you reading this are pity-partying too & we've all got one heck of a guilt hangover! What I'm hoping we can all do, myself included, is to start appreciating & accepting what we can offer to our families, children, work and ourselves. We're only one person & there are only 24 hours in a day. We need to embrace the guilt cause in the end, it's actually driving us to be better moms. By feeling bad that I'm running late or not home, it pushes me to make the time I am with her be about quality, not quantity. The guilt has reared it's ugly head and it's not going away anytime soon, so much like my gray hair, I'm going to embrace what God gave me and figure how to live with it (or color the sh*t out of it, much like my hair).

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Sucker

Isabel loves her thumb. I mean, she reallllllyyyyy loves her thumb. She loves her thumb like I love a strong Grey Goose dirty martini. She sucks that thing as though breast milk is spilling out of it. I have to physically pry that sucker out of her mouth when I'm trying to feed her. I thought we were being all cool trying to keep the pacifier usage to a minimum, but she totally one-upped us and fell in love with that thumb of hers instead. I've never seen anyone happier than Isabel as we lay her down to sleep at night. She immediately finds her happy place on her belly, arm tucked up close to her face, with that chubby little thumb snug in her mouth. We can hear her sighing through the baby monitor as she suck, suck, sucks her cares away, our very own Maggie Simpson.

I honestly think it will be harder to break the thumb sucking habit than it would have been to get rid of the paci, but what's a parent to do? I eat obscene amounts of chips & dip cause I like to do it. No one rips them out of my mouth & tells me to stop the insanity (though they very well should). I'm certainly won't be giving her a speech about the negative impact thumb sucking will have on her non-existent teeth at the ripe old age of 6 months...it's what she likes to do. She rarely cries, she sleeps through the night, she laughs at my jokes, and she likes the Real Housewives. If thumb sucking is the worst habit this kids gonna have, so be it. I'll take this over sleepless nights & temper tantrums anyday. Besides, she looks so freaking cute & it makes her sooooo happy doing it, how could I possibly stop her?!

Please remind me of all of this when I'm up to my ears in orthodontist bills and have a 13 year old who's nickname is "metal mouth." Either way, I'll look back at these pictues and remember how happy it made her, made me & and say "Thank you thumb for the sweet memories & restful nights. Thank you!"

Sweet feathered hair mom.

 

Like mother, like daughter.

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Pacifiers

A soon-to-be new mom & friend of mine, who will remain nameless to protect her mom-to-be innocence, gave me quite a good laugh earlier today. She firmly declared "We're not going to use a pacifier." After I stopped laughing and composed myself, and I promised to give them 5 days post birth before everyone in her house, including her husband, 2 dogs & baby, will be sucking on a pacifier in hopes of once again finding inner peace. Mark my words, they will cross over the pacifier picket line faster than post-rehab Lindsay Lohan will take her first swig of vodka & sugar free Red Bull (I love Lindsay references).

I guess my questions for moms is this...why this paci hatred? We all know lactation consultants rule the breast feeding world, so is it their stern warnings of "nipple confusion" that make us fear the cute & wonderfully pleasing binky? Don't let me fool you...I too feared that Isabel would be a pacifier addict, sucking on that thing till she was 10, waking us up 20 times a night to re-insert it, costing us millions in eventual dental work. I swore up & down I'd only use it on "special occasions." Apparently her 1st special occasion happened approximately 4 hours after her birth, as I begged the nurse for her first magic sucker (with a side of Percocets for me). Low & behold, who walked into our room minutes after Isabel's first suckle on that precious little paci...our lactation consultant!! It would have been less mortifying if my parents caught me having sex. I panicked, made up all these lame excuses for why Isabel had the paci & in the end, swore I'd never use it again. That is, until she cried 25 minutes later.

The one(s) who will benefit most from the pacifier breakthrough??? Her nipples. You heard it hear first, folks. Nipples love pacifiers like a crackhead loves the crack pipe. Her nipples will cheer, they will shout, they will once again stand up, proud and strong, celebrating this new found freedom, jump for joy at the 20 minutes of sucking reprieve they will receive over those first few new baby months. My nipples and I are just becoming friends again, after surviving 6 straight months of physical torture. I hate the gym. My nipples hate my kid. We've all got our thing.

I've discovered that some moms even HIDE their kids paci obsession. "No, No. My kid neverrrrrrrr uses a pacifier" a friend of mine recently told me. Yet you've never, ever seen a grown woman panic like this one did when the supposed un-used & un-loved paci went missing. I'm pretty sure losing her baby would have been less upsetting. And honestly, in the end, who cares. Isabel doesn't like her pacifier but she sure LOVES sucking her thumb. So when she's 10 and still costing me millions in dental work, just like a paci baby, she and her paci friends can all go to the orthodontist together. 

So ladies, stick to burning your bras over burning your pacifiers. Your nipples, husband, dog, friends, baby & sanity will thank you for it. Happy sucking!

Isabel, 5 days old

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