Fetus Friday

Since celebrities are birthing babies every 2.5 seconds these days, I figured I'd add a little fun to everyone's Fridays by highlighting weekly arrivals of the newest A-list celeb-u-tots and press-worthy superstar sperminations. And since 99.9% of my friends seem to be with-child these days, I'll give a little shout out to them too, in hopes they'll truly start read my blog and not just make me feel better by saying they do.


Rod "Old Man" Stewart- Rod and his wife welcomed their 2nd child, a boy, this week. He's close to Duggar status with the amount of kids this man is pumping out. I pretty sure he now has about 87 kids which is awesome cause it's the same # as his age. And is he really this short or is his wife 9 ft tall?

I like amazon women, Viagra & reproducing.

Jessica Alba- Boring. Who cares. The only reason I'm a little excited about this is cause I get a lot of pleasure out of seeing really pretty & really skinny celebs gain weight. So please plump up Jess, or I'm gonna have no reason to care about you over the next 9 months. PS: I called this weeks ago cause Jess went from wearing fitted to flowing. I'm pretty much the Baby Whisper so if you're knocked up but keeping it under wraps, than you and your uterous best stay far away from me. I'm that good.

I can't act but I can reproduce.

The Cake Boss- Buddy "The Italian Stallion" Valastro welcomed their 3rd son, Carlo, on Valentine's Day. I wonder if Buddy made him a cake? I wonder if it was in the shape of a heart? I wonder why I'm so obsessed with Buddy and his cakes? I'm also obsessed with the fact that Buddy is the same age as me, yet looks like he's 52 and has already "baked" 4 kids.

America's newest reality show star / baker.

Melissa Rycroft- I'm sure her baby is cute as pie & sleeping through the night, her and her husband are most likely sooooo in love & never fight from no-sleep exhaustion, she probably has perfect breastfeeding boobs, and I'm pretty confident that she already weighs 82 lbs. You can also guarantee that super-perky Melissa will be doing the morning news show circuit to flaunt her darling baby by next week. Yes, she annoys me and yes, I'm a bitter party of one over the fact that she has no talent except for being dumped on the Bachelor yet everyone loves her & gives her fab jobs. Congrats, I guess.

Ready to pop yet still can wear sequins..another reason to dislike her.

Jenn "Holla" Kaczenski- My hot-to-trot mommy friend, Jenny-H, will welcome Baby Girl Kaz in early July, just in time to celebrate a little BBQ, fireworks & our countries independence. Another liberal is born!! In typical Jenn style, she's already decorated the babies nursery, registered & possibly has bought the babies Halloween 2019 costume...take that Melissa Rycroft! We're so happy she's having a girl for multiple reasons including 1. Girls are awesome 2. There's no chance we'll have to pay for an Agosto / Kaz wedding one day. We can't wait to kiss you all over your cute little face, Baby Girl Kaczenski!!

Pretty Momma!!