Super Bowl


As many of you know, I'm not only an obsessive / borderline stalker celeb gossip fan, but I'm also a sports fan. Prior to Isabel, I spent many a morning in bed, hung-over & watching SportsCenter, but she's not really down with TV or hangovers. My focus has moved from sweaty sports dudes on TV to poopy diapers on my baby. I still have a little sports-fan game, but who wants to hear my color commentary when there's so much more to trash on. So here are the goods...making fun of Christina Aguilera, rating the commercials, and commenting on how hot football players are in tight pants. Mix a drink, grab some wings & enjoy my 1st annual "Diva does Football!"

-What the H-E-double hockey sticks was that segment at the start of the game, where the players, coaches, and commissioner read the Declaration of Independence, all about? Sorry're taking yourselves a LITTLEEEEE too seriously. The NFL is to govermnent what Kim Kardashian is to being a talented actress. 

-I love you Lea Michele. Even though she makes overly dramatic facial expressions & has the body of a 13-year-old, she has the voice of a dove and exceptional teeth. I have a major girl crush. There, I said it. 

-George Bush at the Super Bowl. The only right decision he's made in the last 10 years.

-Troy Aikman is newly single, ladies. He has an amazingly manly voice, sexy lips and a really tight bum-bum, plus he's a Super Bowl champion himself. And he's always tan. Of course, he basically was forced to retire due to having 742 concussions during his career, so it's possible he won't be able to speak by the time he's 56, but I'm thinking he'll always have his good looks (and lots of $$, if you're in to that kinda thing).

-Christina Aguilera has a messed up face. Yes, awesome voice but sista looks like she  just came from the set of a scary movie. Beat-up is putting it nicely. I can't wait to see what her face looks like by the time she's 50. She also must have been smoking crack, cause I think she skipped something important in the middle of the National Anthem. I wasn't really paying attention to the words. I was too busy looking at her horrible facial expressions.

-I like fake talking animal commercials. Always have, always will. High-five to every creative agency who convinced their clients that animals are the way to go in '11. I'd give you a raise.

-Kenny G. in a commercial? Really? The poor man's Betty White.

-Long haired football players both gross me out & annoy me. I really, really dislike sweaty hair. It makes me squirm, even my own. And why, as a man being chased by even bigger men, would you ever want to risk having it yanked from the root? Isabel grabbed mine the other day & I almost dropped her, it hurt that bad. She weighs 19 lbs...I can't imagine having a 300 lb lineman hanging off my head.  

-Ewwww. Arod & Cameron. Feeding him food. Gross. Please put the camera back on George Bush. 

-Ashton sans Demi. That spells trouble for Mr. Punked "I married my mom & now we pretend we have a happy marriage even though there's a good chance I mess around behind her back" Kutcher.

-Any women who dates Ben Roethlisberger is dumb & I don't feel bad for you. You've had plenty of warning. Actually, I do feel bad for you cause that nasty, thick, fury beard is going to give you major face-chaf. 

-I might start using 'roids. These guys have sick arms. 

-Isabel didn't take one for the team & put herself to bed tonight. She obviously doesn't care that I'm a famous blogger with 7 followers, so I had to leave halfway through the 2nd quarter for bedtime duty. I'm going to assume that nothing too important happened & that C-Skank continued to feed A-Rod. 

-John Travolta was hiding his fake hair & unknown sexuality under a baseball hat. Weird.

-My friend thinks the NFL logo on the player's jerseys looks like a penis. Where's your mind, Laura??

-Props for performing live, but the Black-Eyed Peas talk-sing. I've never noticed that before. And you couldn't hear Fergie until she started screaming, I mean, singing. It seems like it hurts her to sing, like she's making a fake sound that isn't easy for her to do. But she's hot & has perky boobies. I'll give her that. And she has nice hair. Nice hair always puts someone a notch higher in my book (unless you're a football player & it's sweaty. Please see above).

-Usher, overly baggy pants aren't sexy. You need to start doing butt exercises or shop in the the little boys department where you below.

-Lots of website commercials. Go advertising. Go internet. Go my job.
-I love that Ozzie Osbourne made fun of Justin "She-ber" Bieber.

-Hurt football players are very good, dramatic actors. Megan Fox could learn a thing or two from them.

-I'm happy the Packers won. I'm in love with cheese, so I guess that means I should like Wisconsin, which in turn means, I like Green Bay.

I. Heart. Football!


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