Confession time. I love McDonald's. Seriously...I reallllyyyy love McDonald's. I love it like Posh loves her 8" heels. Like Howard Stern loves his strippers. I would eat it every day if it wouldn't result in me being 400 lbs and having a massive heart attack. Plus, with Oprah going off the air, my chances of being 400 lbs AND having her save me are out the window. So, I eat healthy. Boooooooooooooo.

When I was in high school and ate a TCBY chocolate chip ice cream sandwich every day after school as my pre-practice snack, I can't really remember ever caring about calories, fat or what I ate. I was never thin (except for when I had mono, dropped 20 lbs in a hot-second & looked like a crack head for about a month), but I was also never heavy. I was average, athletic and active...straight A's, and it allowed me eat Snickers at least 3x a week, ice cream before bed & McDonald's whenever I damn well pleased. I didn't hang my head in shame when I'd order 2, yes ladies, 2 Sausage Egg McMuffin's for breakfast. I'd scarf those bad-boys down with pride and head off to school, bragging to the boys about how much I could eat. Wasn't I cool???!! Surprisingly, boys still liked me, but I think they just couldn't resist my charming personality (or the fact that I'd put out...kidding mom, KIDDING). Then college hit, and I continued my McDonald's binges, washing it all down with 9,000 calories of beer (lite, of course) a day. I'm lucky I got out of there alive and under 400 lbs (Certainly came pretty close my junior year).

I do still indulge my McDonald's lust every few months and when I go, I go BIG, like Super Size x 4 big. Another confession. When I go to McDonald's, I order so much food for myself that I've actually caught myself PRETENDING  to be ordering for 2 people!!! Dr. Phil, save me now. Back in my single NYC days, I hit up a McDonald's post-drinking and actually said outloud to myself / the cashier as I was ordering my 15 value meals "What did he tell me he wanted again???" The cashier's response should have been, ""He" wants you committed to over-eaters annoymous." Ya want another proud moment? After a 3 day bachelorette party binge, 2 friends and I, whom shall remain nameless to protect their fat-girl innocence, not only ate our hot fudge sundae "appetizers" on the walk back to our car, but also split a 30 piece nugget ON TOP of what we each ordered. How I fit into my wedding dress after that, I'll never know. And when I was pregnant, forget it! After each appointment, I'd beeline it to my local McDonald's (unbeknownst to Joe) to celebrate the baby, a strong heartbeat, only gaining 8 instead of my standard 10 lbs a month, surpassing 200 lbs. Isabel should be very proud.

The moral of this story is that girls can eat McDonald's. We act all ashamed & hide our Mickey D obsession, but it's ok to indulge our cravings. Boys still check me out, Joe still thinks I'm hot, and little do they know that I just ate 3 Quarter Pounders (with cheese). Eat your heart out, literally, and see ya at the drive-thru!

Joe ordering McDonald's for me.


Lara 5/12/2011  

I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who has done that! I've gone so far as to turn on the shower and yell to my "husband in the bathroom" that "our" room-service is here. God forbid that the waiter I'll never see again in my entire life knows that I eat enough for two people.

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